I was talking to a group of polyamorous friends recently when a woman made an interesting comment. She likened lovemaking with men other than her husband to fine dining—different, exciting, and occasionally exceptional. By contrast, she said, sex with her husband was like returning to her favorite restaurant—comfortable, consistent, and deeply satisfying. “Like an old […]
Free Yourself from the Curse of Co-Dependence
I remember the moment a decade ago when a big chunk of education fell in my lap. It was at a workshop on strengthening relationships, during which facilitator Reid Mihalko looked around the room at dozens of therapists, life coaches, and sexual healers, asking for a show of hands. “How many of you are in […]
Learning to Cheerlead Our Partner’s Big Separate Lives
It’s perfectly safe to try this at home. 1. Take two paper plates—one representing you, the other your partner—and lay them on a table side by side. 2. Nudge them together until the two partially overlap. The part in that overlaps represents your relationship. The parts that don’t overlap represent your lives separate from each […]
I Loved Both of My “Failed Marriages”
Many myths linger in our culture about marriage. For instance … A good marriage requires compromise.Marriage necessitates choosing love over freedom. You have to work hard on your relationship to have a good marriage.For a marriage to be successful, it has to last forever. I’m shaking my head as I review this list, thinking about […]
Relationship Magic: Shedding Expectations
Imagine what it would be like if your partner showed up each day, not because you wanted or expected him to, but because he wanted to. Imagine what it would be like if your partner emptied the dish washer, not as a way to fulfill your expectations, but rather as a gift, a profound act […]